http://thespohrsaremultiplying.com/living-with-loss/everyone-is-missing-someone/#axzz3MWfNC0ML
A touching post reminding us that although we are in the season of goodwill and cheer, it won't be like that for everyone and some people will be making a huge effort to put a smile on their face on Christmas Day.
Love to all of them, especially my lovely friends, you know who you are.
Sunday, 21 December 2014
Diseases that kill us and diseases we donate to
http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/infographic-shows-differences-between-diseases-we-donate-and-diseases-kill-us
I love infographics! Here's an interesting one. Obviously it's US based. Would be really interesting to see a world view.
Are we donating to the right diseases? Or maybe the money donated makes better research and leads to the development of new treatments thus saving lives?
I love infographics! Here's an interesting one. Obviously it's US based. Would be really interesting to see a world view.
Are we donating to the right diseases? Or maybe the money donated makes better research and leads to the development of new treatments thus saving lives?
Cancer as a Turning Point
My friend who has recently gone through a mastectomy and is in the middle of months and months of follow-up treatments lent this book to me. She read it whilst she was in hospital and found it very helpful.
I wasn't so sure that I'd 'get on' with this book and when she gave it to me, my friend said 'you might not like it'. So I started reading with as much of an open mind as possible.
The book is written by a very experienced psychologist, Lawrence LeShan, who has treated numerous cancer patients - some of which died, some who went on to live a cancer-free life. The book tells the story of various patients and their individual situations and what changed (or didn't) after their diagnosis and treatment. It makes the overall point that after cancer, 'something needs to change'.
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I am very leery of telling people who have cancer that it is their fault and pointing out what they should or shouldn't have done in order to avoid or treat their illness (although I've come across plenty of people who have felt very free to give me the 'benefit' of their advice). I think having cancer is bad enough without being made to feel responsible for it. I'm also cynical of those stories of cancer survivors who have changed their life so much that they are evangelical and those who say 'I am SO glad I got cancer, it made me change my life/it made me see the things that are important/I live a much better life now'. Bollocks to that.
Being glad that you have a life-threatening disease that involves horrible treatments, causes pain and suffering for years or a lifetime afterwards and gives stress and pain to those who love you doesn't seem right to me. Cancer is not a gift!
So I felt myself on guard when I started reading the book. However, the author was careful to repeat "It is important to remember that you are not responsible for becoming ill, and you are not responsible for your recovery. What you are responsible for once you are ill is to do your best to get better. This means getting the best medical treatment possible and changing your life so that your inner healing abilities will be stimulated at the highest level possible."
Now, that I can deal with and identify with.
As I progressed into the book, I did feel that, despite his mission statement above, he did stray into the 'it's your fault' territory. However, not so much as I stopped reading. There was one thing that he wrote that really stuck with me - he says that evidently something had caused the cancer, something was malfunctioning somewhere in the body or mind, therefore to get a different result (ie no more cancer), why go on doing the same thing and expecting a different result? It's the definition of madness. So, I started some of the many exercises at the end of the book to see what they could bring me. This book did teach me some things. Notably, that something has to change and that life is too short to live it with sadness, pain, frustration and regret, doing things day after day that we hate, and that is a work in progress for me.
I remember that a lovely person sent me an email shortly after my operation saying that at least this was an opportunity for change and growth. I was feeling raw, sad, in pain, angry (no make that livid) and distressed at that point and sent a blistering reply back saying that I think I was ok actually and I didn't really want to change thank you very much. I now understand what she was trying to saying, although it wasn't the right time for me to hear it.
I have changed psychologically in subtle ways, I think. And I've changed my job, which, for various reasons, was a dreadful source of stress. I'm not doing something that is stress-less, but I am doing something I feel confident about and, most importantly, that brings me joy. The body and eating issues are more complicated and merit another post and my personal life isn't perfect (but whos is?). I haven't become evangelical, nor the type of person who runs marathons for breast cancer awareness, but I've changed. Maybe cancer was a turning point for me?
ps, if it doesn't apply to you, don't read the chapter 'The Person Who is Dying', I avoided it and hope never have to read it, at least, not for a long long time.
I wasn't so sure that I'd 'get on' with this book and when she gave it to me, my friend said 'you might not like it'. So I started reading with as much of an open mind as possible.
The book is written by a very experienced psychologist, Lawrence LeShan, who has treated numerous cancer patients - some of which died, some who went on to live a cancer-free life. The book tells the story of various patients and their individual situations and what changed (or didn't) after their diagnosis and treatment. It makes the overall point that after cancer, 'something needs to change'.
I am very leery of telling people who have cancer that it is their fault and pointing out what they should or shouldn't have done in order to avoid or treat their illness (although I've come across plenty of people who have felt very free to give me the 'benefit' of their advice). I think having cancer is bad enough without being made to feel responsible for it. I'm also cynical of those stories of cancer survivors who have changed their life so much that they are evangelical and those who say 'I am SO glad I got cancer, it made me change my life/it made me see the things that are important/I live a much better life now'. Bollocks to that.
Being glad that you have a life-threatening disease that involves horrible treatments, causes pain and suffering for years or a lifetime afterwards and gives stress and pain to those who love you doesn't seem right to me. Cancer is not a gift!
So I felt myself on guard when I started reading the book. However, the author was careful to repeat "It is important to remember that you are not responsible for becoming ill, and you are not responsible for your recovery. What you are responsible for once you are ill is to do your best to get better. This means getting the best medical treatment possible and changing your life so that your inner healing abilities will be stimulated at the highest level possible."
Now, that I can deal with and identify with.
As I progressed into the book, I did feel that, despite his mission statement above, he did stray into the 'it's your fault' territory. However, not so much as I stopped reading. There was one thing that he wrote that really stuck with me - he says that evidently something had caused the cancer, something was malfunctioning somewhere in the body or mind, therefore to get a different result (ie no more cancer), why go on doing the same thing and expecting a different result? It's the definition of madness. So, I started some of the many exercises at the end of the book to see what they could bring me. This book did teach me some things. Notably, that something has to change and that life is too short to live it with sadness, pain, frustration and regret, doing things day after day that we hate, and that is a work in progress for me.
I remember that a lovely person sent me an email shortly after my operation saying that at least this was an opportunity for change and growth. I was feeling raw, sad, in pain, angry (no make that livid) and distressed at that point and sent a blistering reply back saying that I think I was ok actually and I didn't really want to change thank you very much. I now understand what she was trying to saying, although it wasn't the right time for me to hear it.
I have changed psychologically in subtle ways, I think. And I've changed my job, which, for various reasons, was a dreadful source of stress. I'm not doing something that is stress-less, but I am doing something I feel confident about and, most importantly, that brings me joy. The body and eating issues are more complicated and merit another post and my personal life isn't perfect (but whos is?). I haven't become evangelical, nor the type of person who runs marathons for breast cancer awareness, but I've changed. Maybe cancer was a turning point for me?
ps, if it doesn't apply to you, don't read the chapter 'The Person Who is Dying', I avoided it and hope never have to read it, at least, not for a long long time.
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