The New Normal

One of my favourite cancer bloggers has, once again, put my feelings into words.


http://www.chicagonow.com/cancer-is-not-a-gift/2014/02/living-with-cancer-the-new-normal/

Yes, the new normal.  Well I'm not quite there yet, some meetings, a mammogram and the small matter of several surgical interventions involving general anasthetia in a year's time, (if I'm allowed to that is).  Someone asked me today what nice thing had I done today.  I genuinely said well I purchased a swimming costume that I can look almost normal in and I changed my prosthesis for a smaller one that I feel more comfortable with.  My friend looked at me, appaled.  Maybe I should have said 'oh I walked my kids to school and the sun was shining' or something?  You see I didn't think my answer was particularly shocking - this is a reality - my reality and it was a good thing to finally find a swimsuit that doesnt make me feel mortified about and will allow me to walk out of the changing rooms without hiding.

So your reality changes.  Things will never be the same.  I had lunch with two dear friends last week and ended up crying (it was the ultra sound day and emotions were running high and I was feeling overwhelmed).  My friend wrote me a lovely email shortly afterwards to say that she was sad to see me so distressed and for her, she thought that once the surgery was over, that was it.  She hadn't realised how extensive the after effects would be - treatments, worries, lacking confidence, depression.  You get the picture.  The thing is, I had not realised either, so I totally understood..  I thought it would be all over after the surgery.  But, although this might be the most shocking part of it, there is a whole lot more to come.  The new normal becomes normal - us humans are suprisingly adaptable sometimes - but it's not a nice place to be this new normal, I never wanted to visit this place.