Vero, the oncologist's secretary called me whilst I was teaching. I don't usually answer my phone during lessons, but I took the call anyway as she is so difficult to get hold of.
She said 'I suppose you haven't had the results of your biopsy, have you?' I said 'no, what are they?' (heart beats very fast at this point). She said 'ilya rien grave' - there's nothing serious. She didn't say what it was (I didn't ask) but that's all I needed to know really. I made an appointment to see the oncologist in early May for another Tamoxifen prescription and there we go.
That conversation that lasted all of one minute brought an end to my 2 months of worry!
Last time I had a biopsy I hadn't told anyone about it except my family. This time I had a lot of people to tell the good news to. I hope I've told everyone. In a way it's been more pressurised as more people knew about it, but in another way, it's been nice to know that people care. I posted on Facebook - a slightly enigmatic post, not wanting to give details, but to let those who knew what I wanted them to know. I had a couple of FB friends who put ?? as a comment but you know if they want more information, they can pm me or even call. I didn't want to put it all out there. (Although here I am writing a blogpost). Yes, I see the irony.
Anyway, we drank champagne to celebrate and I got a little bit tipsy on a night out with my friends that week and there we go, life goes on, another drama replaces that one.
I feel more 'ough' than 'yippee' - this has really taken it's toll on me and my family and friends, it's been a long 2 months, too long by far. I thought I'd feel yippee but 'phew' is good enough, really. My friend said 'oh at last you'll be writing a happy blogpost', but I don't think so, a relieved blogpost, for sure.
Not sure if I want to launch myself into the medical field again and do the reconstruction now. Not sure at all. Maybe this will change with time. I want to keep away from hospitals for a while after that nightmare experience. My Mum, who doesn't want me to do this operation and sees it as unnecessary plastic surgery (possibly a vanity operation, I dunno), said I was beautiful as I was, which was nice of her and very sweet. I reminded her that I was still deformed and she didn't have to look in the mirror at that every day or avoid going swimming or the beach because of a mis-shapen body. Obviously, there's still a need for change in my head. But not right now.
Thanks so much to all of you who have sent messages, called and just been really nice, supportive people. It's all about the people.
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