It's been a long time since I've written here. I felt like I've been sort of saving up stuff and then never finding the time to actually write in between homework, housework and my work. (Yes, lots of 'works' in that sentence, just about sums things up right now.
But the big holidays are round the corner and the sun is shining so positivity reigns!
I was so terribly disappointed that I have to wait another year for my breast reconstruction. It felled me and made me quite depressed for a moment back there. However, my sister said 'you need a project to get you through this year'. She was right; I needed a focus and something to make me feel better and more positive.
The stinging remarks that had been made about my weight by various (every) health professional I met since I started this adventure in 2013 had been weighing heavy (ha!) on my mind and really not helping me feel better about the my breasts being mutilated. Whenever I thought about what this cancer had 'done' to me, it always came back to body image as the most important thing.
Then, by chance JLo handed me a book and said 'don't take this the wrong way but I thought this might interest you'. It was a diet book, a fun diet book, a psychological diet book, a realistic diet book written for weaklings like myself. I liked it and it made my decision clear - that my project would be to lose 15kg before I see the surgeon in September.
Better health, feeling lighter, feeling better about my body image, feeling proud, this ticked all the boxes. I started the diet the next day. It's working. I'm now 8 weeks in with various slip-ups but never mind, not huge ones and the eating plan does give you a lot of freedom.
So, I've virtually given up caffeine (I was on that road anyway since I came out of hospital), I try not to eat sugar and sugary foods. I don't eat carbohydrates. I don't eat 'carby' veg. I eat a lot of protein and salads and vegetable and I drink a lot of water. After 2 weeks without alcohol, I could drink a little and I do drink a little. It's not an anti-social diet at all.
To be honest it's a bit like the Atkins and the eating plan my GP reccomended, the GI Diet, which I'd tried before and liked. And it is working for me! At the time of writing, I've lost 8 of those 15 kg. It's an up and down and overall slow loss now but the graph is going down dear readers! I'm nearly back to the weight I was when I moved to France 15 yrs ago.
And I'm feeling good! Much much more energy (visibly). I have the energy to do stuff in the house now when I used to slouch on the couch after my work and didn't have the energy to do housework. My leg cramps seem to have stopped (maybe because I'm drinking so much water?). I don't feel full and bloated any longer. I am making healthy, informed choices about my food. The foot pain that made me feel like a grandma seems to have gone pretty much. I used to have terrible pain and could hardly walk on my foot if I sat for a while or stayed still (teaching 1:1 for example) I used to virtually crawl or limp across the room or upstairs. It's just gone! I have less (virtually no) wind and my skin is good and my eyes are clear.
The diet is here Pig to Twig
It suits me. It might not suit you. You might disapprove of it. You might love it, if that's what you're looking for. I am glad my friend put that book in my hand.
My change in body shape means that I'm much keener to look at my naked body (remember I couldn't do this for over 6 months after the op). My breasts are ugly still, this is no miracle cure! But my shoulders and chest are a nicer shape and I'm beginning to believe that this operation will take place and I will one day have the same sized breasts. And they will look good on my changed body. My muffin top has decreased by 8cm, my hips by 23cm, my waist by 11cm. My chest has gone smaller. My bras are on the tightest hooks. I have less boob, but this can be fixed.
What is great is that I can go into a lot of clothes shops and buy stuff or just try it on and sometimes it's too big!!! Sometimes it doesn't suit, sometimes I love and buy. But I am so enjoying feeling feminine again. I've started wearing heels now my feet don't hurt. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think that I genuinely look GOOD! This is a big deal for me.
So losing it means I have gained a great deal, notably my confidence and a lot of that old mojo back again.
Let's hope it continues.....
No comments:
Post a Comment