Date for op

The surgeon called last night at 21h to confirm that he had a date for the op - 10th September, early afternoon.  It was good of him to call, especially out of hours, so I can organise my professional and personal life around this date.  Of course this all brings the operation closer and with it comes a certain relief but a certain amount of worry too.  I think this is to be expected.

However, I was surprised, no let's up that to shocked, to find there are a couple of very unpleasant tests to do the day before.

The first is a stereotoquiqe, répération de markers (wire localization).  I found the details of this horrendous test on the internet very late at night yesterday.

http://breastcancer.about.com/od/breastbiopsy/p/wire_localiz.htm

http://breastcancer.about.com/od/breastcancerglossary/g/lymphoscintig.htm

The first is like a biopsy except they put a wire with a hook in it in my breast with a frickin harpoon on the end and it stays there until the operation.  It helps the surgeon locate the tumor in the case of tumors that are slightly hidden or difficult to find.  I have to submit to this test next Monday morning.

The second will be done next Monday afternoon where they inject a radioactive substance just underneath my nipple so they can inject a blue substance that reacts with the first substance to show the surgeon where the lymph nodes are.

I am ABSOLUTELY terrified of these two tests.  Both involve needles in my breast (which I know is really painful as I've already been there with the biopsy, so no pulling the wool over my eyes for that one.

And so gross - having a metal rod and wire in my breast for a day.  It's disgusting and awful and horrible and demeaning and just horrid horrid horrid.  And I have no choice.

I'm going to ask my friends if someone can take me for these two tests - they will be in two different locations and then I have to check in to the hospital afterwards.  dh has had a lot of time off work and he'd like to be with me on Tuesday after the operation.

God I cannot bear the thought of it, even though I'm truly happy and grateful that this is all happening quickly and in time for my work on 16th and I'll be more than grateful that the tumor is removed (hoping they will remove all of it and the calcifications, I'm also scared they'll have to open me up again and go through it all again but that's another post and another day to worry).  BUT a frickin harpoon in my tit, an injection of radioactive liquid under my nipple!  This cannot be right and necessary.

You would  think, wouldn't you that I'd be scared about the operation?  Well, yes of course, but I'll be asleep won't I?  I'll be wide awake and panicking for these other tests.

I have not been in a good mood today, snapping and snarling and scared.