The kids

My children are relatively young for this to happen to their Mum (although cancer has no age group of course).  I've been open with them from the start but have tried to avoid them coming to the hospital and to tests with me, not knowing what state I'd be in afterwards and also wanting to concentrate on the examination in hand and not worry about them fighting in the waiting room.  They fight a lot.

Loic told his mate's Mum that 'my Mummy is sick' the other day and he keeps kissing my breasts as he cuddles in and is very clingy right now and is playing up a bit right now, which is exhausting and saying I like you, I don't like you.

Théo is less expressive, more quiet and is more watchful.  I've tried to explain things to him but not in a tmi way.  When I got the diagnosis, I explained that this thing is called cancer and it's in my breast and it shouldn't be there so it needs taking out.  He asked me about an hour later what would happen if they left it in my breast.  I told him that I would eventualy get ill and die.  He remembered that Angelina Jolie was in the news about her breast cancer issues.  I explained them simply.

Yesterday I asked him if he'd taked to his friends about it.  He said that his little mate C had asked him where I was, he said hospital, she said, why, he said for tests because she has breast cancer.  Apparently C's mouth was open in surprise for a bit then she said 'Oh I'm really sorry for you'.  Blimey, how mature can you get?  It would be nice if all his friends are so understanding.

He also slept with me last night (I conked out at 21h) and as I was snoozing off he woke me up and said 'Mummy if they don't take this lump out how long would it be before you die?'  I said a few years but not immediately.  I don't know if that was a good reply or not.

I took them to the hospital today to get my scan results partly because I wanted them to see the hospital, where it was (short bus ride) and so that they are accustomed to it before they have to visit me in there.  I think the most important thing for them when I go into hospital actually is that I'll be nicking the ipad for a few days:-)

I hope I get through this relatively easily and it isn't one of those things that goes on and on for years, although I know the check ups will be frequent and stressful afterwards but I'd just like this to be done and the radiation done and that's it.  Here's hoping with all my heart.  Then my kids don't have to live in fear of their Mum dying.