The day after I had a blood test to prepare me for the oncologist appointment where I cried cos the woman taking blood asked me why I was there. I also detest blood tests, I have tiny weeny veins and not many of them in the crook of my arm. It is pointless taking from my left arm and she explained that they will not do that now as the cancer is on the left. She was kind but it hurt like fuck and four days later I have a huge bruise on my arm with another needle to come tomorrow.
I was looking after the kids, they waited beautifully in the waiting room so we had cakes and a coffee then went for a walk round a local park. It was good to feel the strong sun on my face whilst they were whizzing around me on their scooters like a racetrack. They kept talking to me about their latest game craze - Clash of Clans - and kept explaining why and what and oh it went on. I wanted to say, shut up the cancer is in my head, I cannot listen nor concentrate. I just want to sleep. But I didn't, I nodded and tried to be enthusiastic and they gabbled on excitedly like kids do.
I waited until Laurent was home to retire to the bedroom to call my family and tell them all the news.
I'd already texted L in UK the day before but had been putting this off as the kids were there and I knew I couldn't text my family. Reactions were different, some crying, some depression, some sadness, some positive thoughts needed. I felt bad bringing this to them.
No comments:
Post a Comment