The meltdown

Day after the biopsy I was sore but mostly vv tired.  mil was still staying and she was hard work.  She doesn't mean to be but doesn't take the initiative.  I'm not confident enough with her to say do this do that and I kind of expect her to know what's needed like my Mum or my sisters would.  My expectations are too high.

Which is why I found myself dragging my tired body and kids and mil across town to get my cheque book (to pay all those lovely medical bills) and deciding what we'd eat for lunch and dragging us back then making the lunch.  For gods sake.

I put a video on the tv for the boys in the afternoon and slept on the sofa and forgot mil.

Finally dh came home and took them all out and gave me some peace and quiet.  Did I sleep?  Read? No, I did not I got those results out and scared myself stiff.  The results (as much as I could understand them) were seriously scary.  I saw a mass of 7cm, a rating of 5 now which meant there was something and it was more than likely serious.  How I howled and raged and cried.  Finally time to let it all out.

My poor, faithful friend L bore the brunt of it.  I just haad to speak to someone and she has been supporting me all the way with texts every day and positive thoughts and just being my friend.  She has unfortunately plenty of experience in this particular illness and is happy to advise me and carry me through this.  I gulped and sobbed my way through a long conversation with her. She handled me like a pro with kid gloves and firmness and the right amount of positivity.  And we both ended up crying!  That was a real low point and she carried me through.  Thank you

I'd also been in touch with my sisters and Mum and they had been with me all week, it was really helpful for me to talk.  It's not for everyone talking but it is for me.

You need a gang of people around you, not too many but just enough to feel supported.

I'd also been exchanging private messages with a member of an association that I belong to - she had been through the whole thing and was really helpful practically and positively and anonymously, I still don't know who she is but she got me through too and answered my questions clearly and honestly and is still supporting me, god bless her.