Oh the breath of fresh air that was Saturday has all but disappeared.
I am scared that the scan results will show that I have more cancer everywhere 'she was riddled with it'. I am scared that my breast will be so small after the cancer has gone that it will look really awful and I'll be reminded of this every single day until I die.
I am still scared of dying. I am still scared of needles and being hurt and feeling pain. I am still scared of horrible things happening in the surgery. I am scared of getting burnt during the radiation and getting heart problems later. I am scared that he has asked for a scan because he thinks there are other things there (remember, they can look you in the eye and still lie, those medical professionals).
I am scared of being injected yet again tomorrow with the radioactive stuff, especially with the huge bruise on my arm. Théo thinks it's hilarious that I'm going to glow in the dark.
I am still scared of losing my kds. Loic went on a playdate and afterwards he cuddled up to me and said to the other mother 'my Mum is ill'. It was very sad.
Anyway, I have to phone the guy now and see if he's managed to find a surgeon who's not on holiday to see me soon.
They want to operate rapidly.
bye for now
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