La Journée Glamour!

I heard about this day at the Seminar at Gustave Roussy with my friend.

It's a day specifically for women who have had cancer and subsequent treatments and who finished their treatments at least 3 months ago.  The Day is organised in several French cities throughout the year and run and financed by an Association called Clairs Horizons whose goals are:-

«promouvoir, d’entreprendre et de soutenir toutes activités liées au développement et à la promotion des relations humaines et à la communication.

Et particulièrement  pratiquer, promouvoir ou entreprendre  toute action ou activité visant à informer, encourager ou soutenir les personnes atteintes ou ayant été atteintes du cancer et /ou leur entourage.»

Loosely translated; "To promote and undertake all activities linked with the development or promotion of human relations and communication and in particular practise, promote and undertake all actions or activities which inform or support people who have or have had cancer, or their family or friends." 

The Day has two objectives

1. For women to regain their self-confidence and their femininity.

2. To communicate advice about nutrition and exercise.

The Day was ran by Nathalie Stamoulis (see biography in this link)

http://www.lajourneeglamour.com/#!qui-sommes-nous-/c9vn

who looked absolutely radiant and sophisticated in her beautiful pink dress.

Here's how the Glamour Day is described on the website:-

http://www.lajourneeglamour.com/#!droulement-de-la-journe/c1e1d

I applied for a place on the Day back in May and was a bit worried that I hadn't heard anything, but was delighted when finally the confirmation of my place came through.  It was something I was really looking forward to and I proudly told my friends about it.  I was seeing as a fresh start, a new step in the right direction and I was really excited about being pampered!

The Day was held at a 4* hotel, Hotel Regina, in central Paris.  It's an old, traditional hotel of the classic style with a pretty terrace.  Even the loos were pretty!

The day kicked off with coffee and tea and water (on one of the hottest days of summer so far).  Nathalie explained how the Day would unfold and opened with a Group Share.  I didn't feel confident enough to speak out in front of everyone (there were about 20-30 women there) and it was hard to hear, so I listened as well as I could to everyone elses story.  There were some shocking, sad stories and it was an emotional time for both the women telling their story and those listening.  Nathalie's assistant went round the room with a box of tissues, dispensing them when necessary.  Everyone who wanted to speak got a chance and nobody interrupted; we all waited quietly if the speaker needed to cry.  It was a very privileged and intimate moment that we all shared.

I found listening to other stories very humbling.  They all seem much more unbearable and infinitely harder than my own and to be honest, I felt like a bit of an intruder as I felt my experience was nowhere near as bad as others' and I felt guilty that I had got off relatively lightly.  Nobody made me feel like that, only my own feelings were giving me that, it must be said.....best to address that with the Listening Brunette tomorrow!

Then Nathalie gave us some psychological tools and advice about how to cope with difficult times and how to think about cancer and our fears through a visualisation exercise, how to eat well, what to avoid and the importance of exercise.

After lunch, it was the exciting part!  I walked into the coffee room after lunch, which was abuzz with activity - on one side was a bank of hairdressers cutting and blowdrying the participants hair, on the other side, a bank of chairs at a long table chocca block full of make up, Payot skin care and girls' stuff with a line of participants being made up.

Whilst we waited our turn, we talked and exchanged experiences and snacked on delicious mini desserts (sorry didn't get a photo).  I was made up by a lovely young woman who spent a long time on my face and made my eyes really 'pop' with orange/gold make up and coral lipstick.  It really was very pretty and my neigbour complimented me!

Then, off to the hairdresser for a blow dry (I had had my hair cut on Thursday so no need for that).  After a surprisingly short blow dry, I was impressed by the volume the hairdresser had managed to give me.

Afterwards, I posed for the very charming photographer on the terrace.  He'll be sending me the photos by email and I can even ask him to Photoshop the bits I don't like!!  I also participated in a little demonstration of how to fix false eyelashes.  This is particularly important after chemotherapy as the patients frequently lose their eyelashes and sometimes they don't grow back or become a lot finer and sparse.  One lovely lady had a tumor in her eye and the false eyelashes really made a difference to her confidence.

After a group photo and thanks to all, we went home with a goodie bag with Sothys products and some very useful information sheets from La Ligue Contre le Cancer regarding eating and exercise.

Everybody during the Day was kind and friendly - the participants, the hairdressers, make up artists, the organisers, the hotel staff, the photographer.  It was really great that everyone was so open and willing to share their experiences and feelings.  It was all the more suprising as, coming from an Anglophone culture, I am well used to sharing my feelings with people I don't know, and laying myself open, but all the more suprising was I find that usually French people are much more reticent at opening up to strangers and it normally takes a long time for them to be honest and frank, but not today.  So, well done to the facilitator for setting the scene, making it safe to speak and encouraging everyone to share if they wished.  I had some very moving individual conversations over coffee which continued on the metro when we all went our separate ways home.

I think the most poignant thing of the day for me was hearing a young woman who kept her hat on all morning.  She cried a lot during the group share and when she spoke she said she didn't consider herself brave at all when compared to the rest of the women in the room, she thought she lacked courage.  She seemed very sad and later explained that before the chemotherapy she had had waist length hair which her father shaved off for her as it began to fall out; it was evidently a source of real grief for her.  She was a changed woman after the make up and hair.  She had found the courage to take off her hat and reveal her fine short brown hair which was shiny and curled around her face.  Her made up face was glowing and beautiful and she had a wide smile to match, she was delighted with her appearance.  As we kissed goodbye, I said 'lose the hat if you can', you are beautiful like that.  I hope she does.

It was a very good day.  Thank you to Clairs Horizons and all of those who participated and made La Journée Glamour possible.

Green Tea, new delivery!

 

I received a delivery of green tea today ordered from venteprivee.com where you can buy products from good brands at reduced prices.  I jumped on the site when I saw that Kusmi were having a sale!

Here are my purchases (from the top):-

Green Tea with Mint, Green tea with rose, strawberry green tea and almond green tea.

Plus a gorgeous silver tin with Wellness Teas (Detox, Boost, Be Cool, Euphoria, Sweet Love and Algotea - tea with seaweed)

I am coming to the end of a rather average box of Clipper tea (I feel a review coming on) so I am dying to get on and taste these goodies!

And just to remind you how great green tea is

benefits-of-green-tea-that-you-didnt-know-about

Anyone for a swim?

My friends pointed out this article in the Daily Mail.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2638741/Who-says-need-two-Finnish-designers-create-new-swimwear-range-specifically-women-mastectomy.html

I think these costumes are absolutely horrible, unflattering and would make you an object of curiosity in the swimming pool or on the beach.

One of the designers said 'I do not want to hide, I do not want to stop swimming, I do not want to undergo extensive plastic surgery operations and I do not want to be forced to use the uncomfortable prosthesis on the beach'.  I get her, I do, I want the same but there are other ways of achieving it, what's wrong with a Speedo?

I think the costumes are radical and won't work because most people don't want to be radical or make a statement, they just want to be normal and look normal and even and not lopsided.  It's a choice to go there and decide to go topless on the beach when you've had a breast operation, and yes, of course, everyone should be accepted as they are.  But in reality that's not the case and most people just want to blend in.  And by the way, most mastectomy or breast operation scars are not neat like in the photos, they can be red, angry, raw, brown, raised and very apparent.  A scar is a scar.

Take these costumes away please, they are hurting my eyes!

The Mother Ship

A month or so ago, I found out that my friend who lives in the same small town as me had been diagnosed as having breast cancer.  I was really shocked - she's young and has 3 very young children.  And worse, she had to have a mastectomy and will start the first of 8 chemotherapy treatments soon, then she'll have to do radiotherapy.

Her diagnosis brought up all sorts of feelings for me and gave me a taste of what it was like to be on the other side of breast cancer - the supporters side.

As news came in from her day at the hospital where they did a biopsy and gave her the results immediately and the prognosis that it was cancer and then the whammy of the mastectomy, then the chemo to come, it brought back awful memories of that period when I was doing all those tests and waiting and waiting and fighting to get the right decision and feeling so out of control and shocked and sad and alone.

I offered my help in whatever way I could, of course, as did her other friends, and we have had quite a few exchanges, cups of tea and outings together.  I hope that by being able to share these things with her, it has helped her to not feel so alone as some of our conversations have been very graphic and down to earth, we've discussed some things that only people who have been through or who are living with the disease can understand.  I've also passed on some useful names and addresses of health care professionals that I found to be sympathetic and effective.

The day of her mastectomy and lymph node removal, I felt so deeply sad for her.  Not in a pitying way (this is the last thing she'd have wanted), but in a way that I felt sad in my very bones and my heart that she had this day where this horrible thing was going to happen to her, that she had to go through and that this was going to change her life.  I called a friend who also knew and we shared our feelings of sadness.  It felt pretty powerless too, waiting for the news, hoping she'd get through ok and that there wouldn't be any complications.  I imagined how my friends and family must have been feeling when that was happening to me.  It was truly a joyless day.

It did hit me hard and brought back dreadful memories and I am worried about how she's going to fare with the next bit, but on the whole, I hope I have brought her some help and someone to talk to and (as nothing is one-sided), I have also been able to talk to her in a way that I can't talk to others who are not going through it.  We have brought each other comfort, I hope.  And I got to meet her lovely Mum, who, sadly, was also diagnosed with breast cancer 5 yrs ago.

One of our outings was to the hospital Gustave Roussy, where she was operated on.  It was just before her surgery and maybe this outing brought us both a little 'too much information'.  It was a seminar in a very nice lecture theatre 'Cancer du Sein: Mieux Vivre La Chirurgie' (Breast Cancer, how best to get through the surgery).

First of all, the hospital itself was a revelation.  I have never been anywhere so huge.  This building was so big I couldn't even get it on my camera (I know I need an iphone 5 with panoramic view), and there are many outbuildings behind it too.  The hospital is considered as one of the top cancer hospitals in France, and is world renown for it's advances and research.  It's called the 'Cancer Campus'.  Personally, I was a little overawed by the size of the place and I think it was better for me to be in a smaller hospital that I knew already and I think my treatement (certainly my operation) was the right one for me and I may not have got that treatment in a larger hospital where I might have felt like 'just a number'.  However, in such a large specialised place, you can be sure that you're getting the most up to date information, access to great specialists and the support system seems excellent.  I feel like I haven't been so well supported and the support that I've got I have had to find and fight for myself.

A large hospital does give you a sense of being looked after and having the best care, so I'm really glad my friend was looked after properly.   I know, however, that it was difficult to get to as it's in the south of Paris and not so easy to access by public transport.

Anyway, I arrived for the last two topics on the seminar 'Questions sur l'image de soi, la sexualité, et le vécu après mastectomie' (Questions on your self image, sexuality and life after a mastectomy).  It was very useful to hear the psychologist speak and gave me some points to discuss with the psychologist I'm seeing on a weekly basis.

The last presentation was 'Reconstruction mammaire: les techniques classiques et récentes (injection de graisse Brava)' (Breast reconstruction, classic and new techniques (fat injections and Brava)).  This was the one I was particularly interested in.  This was also the one with a little tmi for both of us I think.  Lots of photos, really upsetting graphic photos, before and after, vials of fat all blown up to huge size on the screen.  Lots of photos that amazed me, too, as to how surgeons were able to reconstruct women's breasts to look so very similar to the remaining breast or the original ones.  I wanted to reach out of squeeze my friend's hand - she was going to have her surgery in a week's time and all this was to come.

Afterwards was useful too as there were various stands for associations linked with breast cancer, so I came away with some very useful information and we chatted to the person who is present in the sort of drop-in support centre in the hospital.  I found out about 'La Journée Glamour' (more of that to come after next week) and like I say, the support services in such a huge place are fantastic, such as the seminar that day.

My friend had a good as can be experience in the hospital, her surgery went well.  The room was bright and cheerful with coloured bedspreads.  She stayed in for around a week and she had all good things to say about the nurses and the hospital and her Mum spent all afternoon and evening with her every day.

1st Mammogram

 

A couple of weeks ago I had my first post surgery mammogram.  It was 4 months after the radiotherapy had finished; not before because apparently the effects of the treatment are still going on for that time and at 4 months, normally the tissue has settled somewhat.  True, I've still been having pains in my left breast as during the radiotherapy.

I decided to go back to the Centre where I had the mammogram and ultrasound where the cancer was discovered, not because it's great service (they are always running late, even at 9h) or because of the atmosphere - it's a very basic place, no frills and a bit depressing to tell you the truth.  I went back there because I have a history there and they have all my previous exams stored, so they can do a good comparision.  And, after all, they did discover the cancer so they must be doing something right.

dh kindly said he would take a half day and accompany me for the mammo; it was a tense time for both of us so we were both hoping to get some comfort from each other.

I finally went into the examination and did the (pretty painful) mammo, although I had pre-warned the receptionist when I made the appointment that I would be very stressed and possibly upset, so the operator was nice and told me to stop when the machine hurt (and she did stop).  She left me to look at the clichés and I slipped my top on.  After a long wait, she returned and said that more xrays were needed.  I immediately jumped to the conclusion that there was a problem and they'd seen something.  She said not, but my breasts were so different (just a bit!) than the previous xray that they needed more pictures to gather a new batch for a control group.

More pics taken and I was left to wait again.  It was really long, I walked around the room, stressed, cried a bit, got scared, hyperventilated, played on my phone, tried to read a book.  All the time thinking that she'd come back and say 'we found something, you have to do more tests'.  I imagined myself going through another biopsy, another operation, chemotherapy.  In short, I imagined the worst in that cold room.

Then the doctor came back, not the operator, and said that the xrays looked clear.  You can't imagine the huge sigh of relief that I gave.  I felt like I'd run a marathon, my body was weak.

I did, however, have to come back for an ultrasound which I hadn't even noticed was on the prescription so I made an appointment for 2 weeks time.

Which was yesterday.

I waited one hour to be seen, playing Farm Heros Saga, trying to read.  The tension mounting.  Then I was in.  It was the same place where I'd found out that I had something suspect, the same view from the bed, the same lighting, the same white wallpapered wall next to my face, the same coat peg.  Everything was etched on my mind.

The ultrasound lasted over 30 minutes.  There were a couple of times when the Doctor left the room to consult my previous test results, in particular the ultrasound I had in January to check out the right breast.  It was extremely painful on the scar tissue and I was wound up like a spring.  I thought I'd be a bit less stressed as I'd already had a good mammo result, but I was more stressed.  I think it's the bad memories of the ultrasounds I had had when I was pregnant or miscarrying.  I don't have many good memories of ultrasounds in my life.  The bad ones have overshadowed the joyful ones, that special time where you see a foot, a hand, a face and movement of your baby.  For me they have mostly been about bad news.

It seems that the 'ball' in my right breast has diminished in size slightly, which is good but apparently it's not going to go away the doctor thought.  I also have all sorts of calcifications, nodules, fibrous bits, just a lot going on down there.

The final conclusion however was that there was nothing 'méchant', nothing bad.

I walked out stunned and hurting a lot on and in my breasts and with a headache.  I think I was in some sort of shock about the whole procedure, never mind the result.

I waited for the written results and like a knight in shining armour, dh came through the door as I was about to leave.  I'd told him I needed a drink, he said 'I'll bring a bottle of water', I said no 'a drink', a real one.

Most of all I wanted to be home with a headache pill.  I cried so much in his arms when we got home.  I hadn't realised how much I was scared of a bad result.  I'm crying while I write this.  I hadn't realised how much I really didn't want to go back to that cancer situation, the tests, the needles, the hospital, the fear.  I didn't feel joyful at all about the result, I just felt numb and like I'd had a reprieve, but for how long this time?  I know too that next time it's a mastectomy and chemotherapy, not just radiotherapy and a lump removal.  It hangs over my head, like I'm glad I escaped but I don't really believe that I have escaped.  The cage door is open but I can't step out of it.

I know this is a point where I could start to turn the page and I'd like to, but I'm scared to.  It's like tempting fate to say 'yes I had cancer but it's all over now'.  How do I know?, how can I be sure?  How do I live on with the knowledge that one day there might be a little unexplained ball, it's happened already could it happen again?  In short, how to reconcile the possibility of falling ill with the will to live a happy life.  Must it always be there like a black cloud on a sunny day?  I thought I was doing ok, I had had moments when I didn't think about cancer at all, when I could logically see that it was part of my past and not part of my present.  But it sort of will be part of my present for ever now.

I understand now why women say 'take off my breasts'.  I never understood that before, but I do now, it's the most radical kind of surgery for breast cancer but I understand why they would want to be rid of those two lumps of fat on their chest that cause them so many problems.  I totally get you, Angelina.

The lovely ladies on our closed FB page who have all gone through this were a real source of comfort last night, I know they understand, they have been in my shoes.  Glad they are there.

And while I get myself primed for thinking about a reconstruction (which I'm feeling very ambivilent about right now), I guess things will get better with time, as they say about most traumas.  It's just not time yet.

Seven Classes of Breast Cancer Test Offers New Hope?

The BBC report that a new test that can identify the seven classes of breast cancer could be available in UK within 2 years.

There are 10 different types of breast cancer.  If the particular type of cancer is identified, then treatments can be tailored and made to suit the individual, instead of patients enduring 'catch all' treatments that, while possibly proving effective (not always) against the cancer, may cause needless harm or prove unnecessarily difficult to endure.

If the specific type of cancer is identified and targetted, in the long run, the treatment will be more effective and possibly cost effective.

 

At the moment, identifying the different types of cancer can only be done by expensive and lengthy gene testing, however, with this new test, we are even closer, as Baroness Delyth Morgan, the Chief Executive of Breast Cancer Campaign says to the 'holy grail of personnalised medicine'.

Breast cancer pathology has already come a long way since the days of every patient enduring chemotherapy.  My tumor was screened for in situ cancer and infiltrant cancer plus the HER2 status which means the tumor is hormone sensitive, leading to my taking Tamoxifen.  If it wasn't hormone sensitive I'd be taking different drugs and would maybe need to have had chemotherapy.

Baroness Delyth Morgan says that the goal is to overcome breast cancer by 2050.  Not sure if that will happen, but it would be truly great if it did.   I read a statistic that 1000 women die of breast cancer every MONTH in UK.  Each of those women are someone's mother, daughter, friend.  Too many.

Anyway, read this and get the whole story.  It would be a great stride for breast cancer patients and their survival rates if this test was made widely available.

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-24732987

Green tea Green tea!

Yes, more green tea, I am really enjoying my role as taster and reviewer!  It's good to ring the changes and see what delicious beverages there are out there.

My first was a present from my parents and bought from Sainsburys in the UK.  They gave me two boxes of this Free Trade tea, one with a peach flavour, the other mint flavour.  I liked them both very much.  Light, refreshing and not too perfumed.  Perfect at all times of the day (apart from after 18h because if I drink tea after then I my sleep is even worse than normal).

Hell I can't rotate it!

I don't know how expensive the tea was (rude to ask when it's a present dontcha know?) but Sainsburys own brand is probably quite reasonable.

+ points - great tasting everyday tea, Free Trade, non bleached bags
- points - can't get it in France!

The second tea is a really serious bag of tea leaves.  This was very kindly brought to me by a lovely lady who had come all the way from the next town on the train to deliver a home-cooked meal when I was just out of hospital.  She'd added all sorts of other treats, this tea included.  I simply cannot express enough gratitude to the people who came round during that very difficult period bringing delicious food, drink and treats or coming round to pick up ironing or deliver cakes or magazines and with it showing their love and concern.  It warms my heart still to think of the care and outpouring of concern that they showed and believe me it helped me enormously and also helped my children, and showed my scared husband that there were good guys and gals in the world and sometimes that good things happened, amongst the horror and sadness that we'd come across.

So, back to the tea.  I don't like to make a pot unless I have visitors and a friend showed me these really neat disposable tea bags which are on sale in a local posh kitchenware shop.  They are so dinky and easy to use and not messy.  With the other tea infusers like the metal balls and the like, I find they are messy to use and take too much time to clean.  These little paper bags are quick to use and disposable (and biodegradable too).

So, the tea.  It's called 'Destination Premium' Hubei and Fujian Chinese tea, floral and refreshing.  It's flavoured with jasmine so the taste and smell is floral.  The bag lasted for ages as I only needed a few leaves to make a cup strong enough for me.  I had to be careful not to leave it to steep too long as that made it too strong as well.  However, the tea never had that bitter taste even if it was left a long time in the cup.

The taste was more full-bodied than other teas I'd tasted and the floral hints made it an aromatic pleasure.  Don't know what the price is but it's probably a very economic way to drink green tea as the bag lasts so long.  Ingredients: Green Tea only!  No additives.

+ Bag lasts for ages and great if you like floral teas and strong tea with a stronger flavour, organic. 
- Not good if you don't like stronger teas or floral taste or smell and can't be bothered with tea bags

And the third tea today is a Kusmi Tea, luxe de luxe!  This was a treat from a lovely friend.  I'd been saving it since Christmas and now I've nearly finished it:-( I've written already about the historic Kusmi teas and how they have updated their image and are now uber-fashionable (in Paris at least).  The packaging is gorgeous and the mix is interesting.  This tea is called 'BB Detox' and it contains green tea, maté, rooibos, guarana and dandelion.  It is also grapefruit scented.  The best thing about this tea is opening the tin in the morning and inhaling the smell!  It's heavenly.  Not strong but refreshing and delicious.  A real pleasure.

The tea itself (and it's tea leaves) is light, non bitter and very easy to drink.  Slips down nicely.  You're left with a refreshing taste and a feeling of having your thirst really satisfied.

I'm not sure if it detoxifies but it feels clean and afterwards my pee is pale yellow (sorry tmi).

Although the tea was a present, I did look at the price in my local shop and it's really expensive, so it's a luxury and a really generous present.

+ The smell and the light taste and the feeling that you might be doing good things for your body.  The packaging and the cheerful yellow are a pleasure to look at too.
- The price