dh wouldn't leave me alone today. Luckily Miss Texas offered to spend the day with me (otherwise he would have missed yet another day or work). A day with my state of mind frankly, not something to look forward to if I was her, but she walked in smiling up to the job.
The Scottish bird also had me marked and threatened to handcuff me to the sofa to stop me wandering, or at least to metro across the city to keep me indoors and safe from harm.
Yes, there were tears and lots and lots of words, stories exchanged and chocolates and croissants and trashy mags - thanks MT. And help - I had invited 6 children to dine at lunchtime so it was quite the operation to get them fed and watered. In fact they were extremely well behaved. L also made a surprise visit, looking all glam.
It was just great to spend a day talking amongst friends where I felt I could say anything and nothing would shock - in English too! MT and L helped me to organise all my papers and health claim papers. It felt good to be organised. I had just been chucking it all in a bag with no order and not finding the papers I needed them. Disorganised, a bit like my mind right now. It is so difficult to adjust to a new plan that I didn't want. I had just become ok with the op on Monday and had high hopes to recover quickly. This new way is a whole different kettle of fish - much bigger and scarier prospect. It feels like everything has just been thrown in the air.
Found out that L is a very speedy kitchen cleaner and MT gives great hugs and chops carrots really quickly.
Gave a few people a fright with my post last night. Sorry, I was rock bottom (at least as rock bottom as I have gone so far, but I have a horrible feeling that there may be more rocks to hit at a later date). At this point I have not managed to reconcile myself with the possible courses of action and I am not convinced that I am mentally and physically capable of following the suggested path. Lots of feedback and 'suivi' from friends today regarding the new situation, it is welcomed and apologies to those texts or mails I haven't replied to as yet. Thank you thank you.
The path has taken a turning I was hoping not to take into a dark wood with lots of monsters along the way. It is scary and I am hesitating to take the first step.
I hope to sleep tonight (I haven't properly slept for a few nights now) and to sleep in tomorrow morning. My mind is everywhere but it has really helped to talk so much today. And I hope to do some nice stuff this weekend. The strain is showing on all of us. We need a break.
Life in the cancer lane starts again on Monday at 18h with the appointment with the plastic surgeon.
Hi Claire - I now know everything and can't believe what you have been going through in a relatively short time. Horrendous. Your blog is brilliant and a really good idea. I am with you, sending you lots of love and support. Wish we could have met up so I could have given you a big hug. What a rollercoaster you have been on, I am so glad you have lots of good friends around you.
ReplyDeleteLots and lots of love, I'll follow your blog, keep writing. Well done for keeping it all together so well.
Heidi xxxxx