I came home from hospital this morning. I was dreading it as I felt so awful yesterday and today but I came home to a quiet house, calm and had a satisfying sleep on the sofa. The youngest is a bit crazy and it is stressful when he's around being active, but once he's settled it's ok. The big one is helping and is visibly relieved to have me home. The little one asked if I had to go back in hospital, I said no not for the moment and he said 'good so you're not going to die then'. First time he'd mentioned it all and otherwise he practically ignores me.
So Wed checked in at the last minute at the hospital. The surgeon drew all over my breasts and torso in his office and said 'see you later'. Indeed he did see a lot more of me later. All the pre op stuff was done, gown, hat, a painful plastic infusion thing was placed in my hand and I drank some bitter stuff to relax me. Wheeled down to the theatre and got stressed and upset so I calmed myself down I went to sleep with the image of all my friends and family standing around holding hands, all around the room. Yes you and you and you!
A whacking 5 and half hours later I was in the recovery room listening to the football getting told my dh was waiting for me. 2 hours later I went up and apparently I was a white as a sheet. I had lost a great deal of blood. Luckily the children were in good hands all day, esp as the op was way longer than expected. This was due to the surgeon having difficulty finding the sentinel node and him having a problem with having to take much more off my left (ill) breast and sewing it up and then having to take off the nipple and transplant it higher in the end because he cut off so much of the lower breast. My right nipple is very blue so I have to massage it to ensure it gets enough blood supply and doesn't go black and fall off. (bleergh).
The lovely lady in white who does night service woke me up regularly, checked blood pressure, pulse, gave me medicine, checked my drains (2 rather annoying plastic bottles of blood attached inside my wounds draining them, which stayed with me until a painful removal on Sat morning); I slept sitting up fitfully.
Thurs was my Birthday and it was a good day in that I was relieved to come out of the op and still on a bit of a high. L came by whilst I was in the operating theatre on Wed and left bottle of non alcoholic champagne and British cups and a medal which I saw when I came into the bedroom out of the operating theatre. I laughed! She came by again on Thurs and I think from this minute I will call her Saint L because she really is a lovie. She had made a cake with hearts on, smuggled it in, brought a candle which I had to blow out, with little cans of Orangina. She also blow dried my hair and took photos of me in my Tunisian Grandmother nightie. When she left she slipped dh a large bag with ironed sheets in it to put on my bed when I came home. Bliss!
dh passed briefly and was allowed to bring the kids and we blew out the candle and had some cake again and miss English Rose came by later and stayed to an illicit 21h. It was great to chat and receive the trashy mags and Maltesers, thanks!
Fri was a tough day. The bandage on my chest is so tight it is making it v difficult to eat and making me feel sick. I am nauseous too and very very dizzy. If I lay down I felt sick, if I sat up I felt dizzy; it was truly a horrible day and I can't remember when I last felt so thoroughly ill. I Also felt v down. The psychologist called me and got the full weight of my misery. I cried a lot. I am also devastated that my breasts had to be cut to such a small size. The surgeon took off Ikg off the left and 900g off the right. I've not really addressed this in my head yet, I've not seen them and tried not to look. I just want them to heal for the moment.
Sat followed in the same vein. I had some horrible weird dreams - in a pink taxi in Harrods with 4 guys looking for Christmas presents. I felt sick and dizzy and had to leave the hospital in a wheelchair. The one thing I really hated at the hospital was that it was so hot all the time, no escape. I felt much better once I smelled the fresh air.
I must leave you now, I am tired and my arms hurt from typing. Here's an update in case you were wondering. Thank you for the record number of texts and calls and mails that I received wishing me all the best.
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