http://www.etincelle.asso.fr/
We all bundled into the waiting light, modern waiting area and were offered a warm welcome and a coffee and biscuits (although Loic was quick off the mark and took one before he was offered). dh took the kids to play outside and explore the area whilst I spoke to the person welcoming me so she could orient me towards the best events and resources for my needs. I spoke about my history, the family, my fears etc. It was more like talking to a friend than a professional, but someone who knew what it was all about because she'd passed through the same thing (and more it seems, she's been having treatment for 6 years now), and it felt good and I was free to speak without feeling judged or psychoanalysed. The main thing that came out of this is the issue that has floored me - my appearance and inability to look at what serves as my new breasts.
One thing that I hadn't expressed to anyone because it sounded really stupid is that I was not expecting for the surgeon to get all the cancer out in the operation (because he'd already said it would be a game of poker as to whether he could or not so I was preparing myself for him not to succeed) and when he said it was successful, I was really surprised in a good way mainly but part of me thought 'oh shit i'm going to have to live with these tits for well over a year now as there will be radiation to follow and a reconstruction in 15 months'. If it wasn't all gone, I would have been up for a mastectomy in December and probably an immediate reconstruction of both breasts and no radiation. This had been niggling at me because a) which idiot doesn't want the cancer removed first go and how could I possibly tell anyone about this reservation? and b) Maybe the breasts couldn't have been reconstructed immediately anyway. (NB I was nothing but overjoyed about the lymph nodes being negative, this was truly Great News.)
I was immediately disabused of my idea. Apparently the reconstruction would have probably been hard to touch with a big scar running across the new breast and not anywhere near as natural looking or feeling as the reconstruction technique which will be offered to me in 15 months time. This sort of relieved me because then I could really see that my result was the best best best thing. And she gave me a booklet 'understanding radiation' which has helped me a lot.
I was left to quietly look at some relevant articles in the waiting area and the person who welcomed me beckoned me into a treatment room and said the eqivilant of 'well I don't do this for everyone but do you want to see my breast?' So she showed me her reconstruction and in return I showed her what I was so upset about. She got why but said she was jealous of my large, long scars which run underneath the breasts instead of across like hers. When the breast tissue stretches in about a year, the scars should be covered. I wanted to hug her for her generosity of spirit. She has made a real difference now I have that issue cleared up for me and have met someone so brave and kind and it was good to 'share' my breasts with another woman and not in the medical arena.
The activities offered are psychologist, tai chi (good grief I would never have done this 'before' but maybe I will now?) reiki, reflexology, yoga, beauty treatments, sophrologie, support groups for patients and separately, families, massage, salsa (again, good grief!) and art therapy.
I'm going to try to fit some of these into my schedule once the radiation schedule is sorted. What a great association run by dynamic people. Thank goodness it exists.
Théo asked me why I needed to speak to someone and I said because my body had changed and I was sad about it. He said, in a surprised voice, looking at me up and down with a sideways glance, 'ah bon, your body has changed?' I guess he just sees his Mum and that's all, so that's a good thing isn't it?
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